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To my brothers.

Dear asshat #1.

I never knew you too well. By the time i was 7 you were moved out and on your own already doing...whatever you wanted to,basically. And surprise surprise it came back to bite you in the ass. And now your dead. Congrats, fuckhead. You completely devastated mom. Every day she thinks about you, without fail, she walks past that stupid picture of you in the living room and kisses her fingers and touches the frame. How do you have that little respect for her? She busted her ass for you, and you repaid her by diving headfirst into the drug world, She did everything she could for you. For the three of us, really. And you fucked it up. And because you fucked it up, Trent fucked it up. But iapos;m not like Trent, and iapos;m not fucking stupid. And i refuse to go down that road. So congratulations, you fucked up my life by fucking up your own. Now i get to live with a manic depressive mother and take care of her before sheapos;s even 50.


Dear asshat #2.

I knew you all too well. I looked up to you, everything you did i mimicked. You were god in my eyes growing up. I wanted to be exactly like you. I begged you for months to cut my hair into a mohawk like yours. You brought me everywhere with you, let me hang out with your friends and never acted inconvienenced by me. I knew enough to know Ozzy was a lost cause, and i knew enough to know that you were better than that. I knew how good you did in school and you led by example.� You did well and because i wanted to be like you, i did well. Then Ozzy died and, i guess it hit you pretty hard. It didnt hit me that hard. The only time i ever talked to Ozzy was when i was calling him a dickweed for calling me a turd. I guess you guys had a pretty decent bond though. Coulda fooled me, after thanksgiving 05apos;. In any event you fucked it all up anyway. You knew how he died, you knew exactly, how, he died, and YOU FUCKING DID IT TOO. What the hell went through your head that made that a good idea??? "My brother just died from injecting himself with enough heroine to kill a bull elephant, hmm. What can i do to make myself feel better. I KNOW. HERIONE." WTF were you THINKING? You were the smartest person i knew and man...you did some REALLY STUPID SHIT.

So all in all, wherever you two are, iapos;d like to say, fuck you, fuck your shit, itapos;s your fault mom is the way she is, itapos;s your fault i cant go to college and instead have to work full time to pay for the house and the bills and the food and momapos;s meds. Itapos;s your fault i cant do what normal people my age are doing, and itapos;s your fault my life fucking sucks right now.

But you know what, itapos;s fine. Because i have Samantha. Sheapos;s means more to me than either of you would have ever known, and sheapos;s all i need.

Idk what i was trying to do by writing this but i think it worked. I feel better.

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